I’m A Dork!

I have no problem with the self depracating column that is before you.  Odds are, we are a lot alike but you may not embrace the terminology I use.  But I am a dork, nerd, dweeb, geek, whatever you want to call it.  And I’m not talking about in a hipster kind of way.  I mean it in the pretty basic immature kind of way.  I have my likes and they are generally juvenile.  I have things that get my attention and they usually are the same things that got my attention when I was a young lad.  I am 40 years old and I haven’t grown up.  And I don’t plan on it.I’m married, have two kids, own a home and have a stable job of 19 years.  That’s as far as I’m taking this adulthood thing.  Those things do come first and I will be a responsible functioning adult in those arenas.  But that’s it.  I usually don’t do dinner where I have to tuck my shirt in or wear a button down.  As a matter of fact, I’m going to say that 100% of the time my shirt is tucked in is at work and church.  Other functions make up less than 1% of those times so I’m rounding it on up to 100.  Now, if you’re ordering a pizza and we are going to eat off of paper plates, watch a game and just talk with no preset expectations, just tell me when and where.  I’ll probably show up wearing my RBI Baseball t shirt.One thing you learn about me the first time you meet me is that I am not ashamed.  You can take me or leave me and the Earth will continue to rotate around the sun.  I haven’t always been that way and I don’t mean that in a flippant.  I have been around this rock for a long enough time to understand that people come and go but real friends are the ones who accept you for who you are and vice versa.  It took a while to figure that out.  I used to want everyone to like me.  I wanted to be someone that people automatically wanted to call if they were about to go out on the town.  I met a lot of fake people that way too.  There are a lot of people that will use that type of desire to be liked or “vulnerability” for their gain and throw you aside when it’s convenient.  So there is part of my message today.  Be you no matter what.  Some people will like you and some people will be turned off but you’ve weeded out some of the riff raff without even trying when you stay real.  And as Curly in “City Slickers” would say, that’s my one thing.  Be you and let me be me.  We may get along or we may not but we don’t have to get in each other’s way either.Well, this took a more serious tone than I anticipated so I’m getting back to the dork stuff.  The above is a good preface to explain why I have no shame in who I am at this stage in my life.  So I’m walking around the mall on this Sunday afternoon while the Mrs’ looks at every shoe available for purchase and I find myself taking in all the sights.  I’m not looking at Patagonia or North Face stuff because I don’t suppose I’m a “brand guy.”  I’m looking at the retro t-shirts, not because they are hip but because I actually love Ric Flair and Top Gun!  I’m checking out the new Funko Pop items at BAM.  I’m looking through old “coming of age” comedies at FYE.  I found Deftones “White Pony” on vinyl and it excites me because we I still listen to records when they are available.  I’m not going to Men’s Wearhouse even though I have a professional type job.  I’m going to Spencer Gifts because I think the shirts are funny and I need to update my black light for the 91 Topps project I’m working on.If I could freeze time from 1988-1993, I would do it in a second.  That would probably be my first wish if I ever found one of those genies in a bottle.  Second wish would probably be the abolishment of all the new tech items that led to the closure of video and record stores.  The third wish would no doubt be “3 more wishes”.  But back to 88-93, it wasn’t just a simpler time because I didn’t have many responsibilities.  I was just simpler all the way around.  If I wanted baseball cards, I hit Wal Mart or Piggly Wiggly.  There was no hobby and retail to get bogged down in.  The packs were $1 or less too so a reasonable summer job kept cards on the table if you know what I mean.  If I wanted to watch a movie, I had to go to the video store and walk the aisles, which would undoubtedly lead to additional rental possibilities.  As convenient as Netflix is, the convenience makes the decision too hard!  If I have to drop $2.50 on a movie, I’m going with what I know I want to watch, not just some film that looks like it might be interesting and I can turn it off if I want.  Yes, I suffered through many a horrible movie in the video days but I still joke about them with my brother and friends. I could play summer ball at the rec field and go get ice cream in a mini batting helmet at Dairy Queen after.  When I beat Zelda, I could go trade it at school for Mario 3 with Joe or BJ.  When I was hungry, I could pop pizza rolls in the oven and not worry about caloric intake.  I could stay up watching tv until 2 am on a weeknight and not feel like I’d been hit by a Mack truck when I had to get up for school.  I had to be vibrant in the morning because I had homework to do on the bus after all.  My work day would consist of a lawn to be mowed or watching my little brother.  Just absolute simpler times!  I am Exhibit A of why “Stranger Things” was such a huge breakout in 2016.  It’s a time period piece for me as much as it’s a sci-fi thriller.  See my Ghostbusters shirt??  That was my heyday! I have a hard time letting go of the old days.  If I had a positive interaction with someone in school and I haven’t seen them in 25 years, I’ll go right back to that memory when I see them again.  Nothing that’s happened in between those years matters.  In my mind, we’re back at the Legion pool on the super slide or trading 90 Donruss in Mr. Spivey’s class or camping out at Lake Okitiayakani and planning a big scare for the tent next to us.  That’s what I hang on to.  I sometimes just feel like a stranger in a different time.  All the partying on the river and gathering for poker and marathoners of the world have passed me by.  (And tubing on the creek is different than partying on the river in this case.)  Especially when you’re doing it with some of your closest friends.  But, each person is different.  Motivations are all unique but give me a pizza or cheeseburger, a copy of Night of the Living Dead, a couple of packs of ’90 Fleer and a Nintendo controller and I’ll stay out of your way and be as content as a koala in a eucalyptus forest.So maybe you’re not a dork like me.  Maybe you like those Junior League functions where you get to dress up and impress other people with your big society living.  Maybe you like sitting back with a cup of coffee and chatting about MSNBC with your colleagues.  Maybe you’re not happy unless you’re forcing your veins out of your forehead while you try to flip that 5 gallon bucket of concrete over your head.  Hey, it takes all kinds to make this world go round.  And I accept that about you just like I’m asking you to accept everything about me.  I’m just not impressed, much like you’re probably not impressed with my extensive knowledge of National Lampoon’s Vacation or my uncanny impersonation of Magnum PI!This isn’t an attack on anyone or their interests.  It’s quite the opposite.  This is a proclamation of who I am.  This is me finally understanding and drawing my line in the sand.  I’ve lived with the desire to be liked by all for far too long.  As a friend of mine said one time, “I just may not be your cup of tea.”  But now more than ever, I’m totally fine with that.  I have friends across all walks of life and that’s because we all have some common interests.  I’m just different with what makes me happy.  I am me!  I am a total, unashamed, take me or leave me dork!J-Dub