It’s time for another edition of Pet Peeves. I’ve noticed that the curmudgeon in me really comes out on road trips. I love a good road trip whether it be several days or just a short weekend. I enjoy getting out and taking in what the south has to offer, from local foods to local hangouts to local card shops. But the road trip puts me in direct contact with that which I still can’t quite figure out…..people. Some mean well and some are just plain mean. I’ve written about the nice side of vacations before so let’s take a walk on the annoying side of things. As with before, there isn’t anything personal about these things that any of you should try to correlate to our relationship. Rather, just observations of a fellow with a certain disdain for annoyances and general mainstream behaviors. Enough of an intro, let’s dive right in.
- Stick Families – Why not just start this whole thing off by offending half of America. Stick family stickers on the back of cars stink. Doesn’t matter if it’s stick people, little animals, zombies, baseball players, whatever. I don’t know why this bothers me but it does. On an elementary level I find it ironic that in a world where everyone is so protective of their privacy, they find it necessary to point out just how many people, and usually their age range, and even sometimes how many pets they have. First, I don’t care. Second, what is it really saying? You’re a family man? You can reproduce? You found someone that would settle down with you? What exactly? Sorry, I just don’t get it.
- “_____ Life” – So while we are on car stickers, lets touch on this gem. Alicia even had one of these and they started out kind of catchy. But now, they have totally spawned into their own little life form. Salt Life, Nurse Life, Camo Life, Assault Life, Low Life, Boxer Life, Ruff Life, Softball Life, Mountain Life, Lake Life…..WE GET IT! One of your hobbies or jobs consumes you. And how many “Salt Life” people can there really be in Albany/Leesburg?? The nearest salt water is 2-3 hours away. So unless you have a salt water pool at home, it ain’t your life. And even then, it’s questionable.
- I-75 – Ok, so this one is easy. Doesn’t everyone hate this? Sure, when it’s open and light in traffic, it’s awesome. You can stretch out the ride, put the cruise control on and cover some ground. But, those two things together are rare. There is ALWAYS some portion between Albany and Atlanta or Albany and Ocala that is under construction. And work zones breed accidents. And accidents breed Looky Lou’s that slow the entire pace of the day. Add in your usual pet peeves of slow drivers in fast lanes and lane changers in traffic jams and you’ve gut yourself a pet peeve trifecta.
- Bathroom Breaks – Ok, I’m behind the eight ball a little on this one. I’m in a family of all girls. One of which, a nine year old, doesn’t realize she has to use the bathroom until she REALLY has to use it. Like, “pull over now or get me a diaper” has to use it. And, we also have the “I didn’t use it before we left because I didn’t have to” routine. Times that by 3 and a 3 hour ride suddenly becomes a 5 hour journey. Sometimes the bathroom breaks can turn into 20 minute stops where $30 worth of junk food and drinks are bought, which lead to more bathroom breaks. It’s a vicious cycle.
- Stop N Shop (Not the awesome Camilla C-Store from the 90’s) – My wife likes to shop. She also likes to walk around entire stores picking things up only to put them all back at the end. She’ll sometimes even buy the stuff and return it in the next town. That might be extreme but I won’t say it’s never happened or never will. Nothing can throw a man off track when he is dialed in on travel plans, destination times or meal plans like a TJ Maxx along the way. It takes the wind right out of your sails. Let me say that I Love My Wife. She knows this is something we battle over. I know it is a condition that she has. We live with it.
- Hotel Towels – I have yet to meet a hotel towel that could match those we have at home. Could these things be any thinner? And on top of that, all hotels are “going green” aka saving money and asking you to hang these bad boys up and reuse them. That’s like asking me to reuse a napkin at a rib shack. It ain’t happening. You can see through most hotel towels. It sometimes takes two for one shower. And you want me to reuse these? No thanks, it’s going on the floor.
- Housekeeping Wake Ups – Ok, I’ll admit that this is sometimes my fault for not sticking the privacy sign out. But sometimes, there isn’t one in the room. Can’t they coordinate the check out system and housekeeping schedule to know whether I’m gone or not before they come a knockin? On some rare occasions, they just come on in because their knock did not awake me from my peaceful slumber. And even worse, they sometimes come around a second time, as if I’ve gotten up, showered and packed in the last 20 minutes. The only good thing about them stopping by is having the opportunity to get another towel.
- New AC’s in Hotels – I’m all for modernizing hotel rooms. I like the new pillows and comforters and flat screen TV’s. But one of my favorite parts of an old school hotel room was the AC that you could set on high cool and it ran all night. It didn’t know or care what temperature it was. It didn’t kick off and on during the night. No, it ran constantly and would freeze you out if you weren’t properly covered. I can’t do that at home because I have to pay the bill so if I’m going to pay $125 to stay at your hotel for a night, let me get my money’s worth on the AC.
- The Missing Luggage Cart – This is the worst at the beach. There are like 3 of these for a 400 room condo facility? And at the beach, 95% of visitors during the summer are leaving on Sunday morning. That stat is my own based on personal experience and may not be valid but I’m going with it. So, 3 carts for 380 units that are being vacated. That’s one reason I’m in no hurry to get out early, despite the housekeepers insistence on waking me.
- “Are We There Yet?” – This is a classic. I didn’t know what that meant until I had kids of my own. It has many variances. When are we going to eat? When are we going to stop? How long before we get to swim? What are we doing today? When can we get a snack? Believe me, it’s never when it’s convenient. Again, there is something to be said for picking up travel momentum. It’s not always fun driving 300 miles. It’s way less fun when you play 20 questions.
- Fast Food – This one is pretty simple but one we are still struggling with when Bailey goes with us. I don’t drive 300 miles to eat at McDonalds. I don’t even like driving 5 for it. We have Wendy’s, Sonic, Burger King and Arby’s right where we live. It’s going to taste the same in Orlando, Panama City and Atlanta. I’m well fed, no doubt. So when I travel, food is one of the highlights. I don’t plan on eating somewhere I can drive in my pajama pants to on a Tuesday night. You have your bathroom breaks, let me have my Mojo’s.
- Most Kids at Amusement or Water Parks – I love taking my kids to these. It’s total fun because Bailey rides everything with me. She will jump off of the high jumps and fly off the rope swings with me. We love it. That’s why I said “most kids”. I’m well versed in the amusement scene. I’m very fortunate to have grown up going to Disney, Six Flags and Crystal Lake. So, I want my girls to have those experiences. But, most kids at these places are out of their minds. I usually go on all the rides or jumps with Bailey. But some kids get to go it alone. And for some reason, these kids have never been taught proper line etiquette. Just because you are 3’8″, that doesn’t mean you get in front of me and Bailey. We paid just like your mom and dad did. I’m not sure where they are right now but you don’t have fast pass so back it down. If we can’t function in a civilized manner on the Scream Machine, how can we do so in our daily lives?
- The Post Activity Grumps – This one is a biggie. When you take a trip, you wake up energized and excited about the activities of the day. Then, while enjoying the activities, you couldn’t be happier. But as soon as the activity is over, you morph into a 90 year old living next to a night club. Everything sets you off. Air’s not cold enough, how long before we get back to the hotel, what are we doing tomorrow (because I’ve already moved on from the sacrifices you made for me today), can we stop at Wendy’s? If you have a kid, you know exactly what I mean. Nothing flips a switch in that personality like the gates closing at the Carnival of Fun. And the grumpiness is contagious….
- An Empty Bank Account – I am not a fan of this during any season but it’s relative right now. At the end of a trip, I spend most of the 300 miles back calculating in my head where my life savings went. I add and multiply and divide and try to come up with a rational reason I’ll be eating chef boyardee for the next week but it never adds up. Perhaps if we ate at a couple more McDonald’s or Wendy’s on the trip? Ehh, Nevermind. I guess it’s worth it.
- Things We Accumulate – Again, maybe this has something to do with the male/female ratio but our vehicle looks very much like what I imagine Chernobyl looking like. There are clothes in the floorboard I don’t remember bringing. There are some TJ Maxx bags. There are brochures and business cards from the places we visited. Cans, candy, honey buns, chips, you name it. We usually come home with close to double what we left with. I do not know how!
- Not Being Home – Finally, the biggest pet peeve is not being home when you want to be. There is so much involved in that last day. It’s over, we have to go back to work and school, we’re broke, we have a ton of laundry to do, we’re all tired and snappy. What you really want on that last day is to just be home and drying off with your own towel and laying in your own bed. The trip is usually great but when it’s over, you want to snap your finger and be home.
None of these pet peeves outweigh the trip itself. In fact, trips wouldn’t really be the same without most of these. With all the good, you must take some bad and in the case of a road trip, it’s really about a 90/10 split so I’m really not complaining as much as I’m having a good time with it. We are very fortunate to make some wonderful memories as a family. Bailey is getting to do things that a lot of kids don’t get to do. And me and Alicia are spending time with each other and them. But the movie “Vacation” is a classic for a reason. Besides being hilarious, it hits home with a lot of us that go on family trips. It’s just part of the gig. And the best thing to do is enjoy it when you get the chance. Happy travels!
J-Dub