It’s 23 years, Not 15

  We first met in 1993, although that meeting was not indicative of what the future held for us.  Or maybe it was in some ways too.  I was umpiring Mitchell County Rec Softball and a hotheaded young girl decided to pop off at me for calling her out.  Nevermind she was out by a solid step, she wasn’t having it and chirped all the way to the dugout.  I can’t remember whether I warned her or her coach, but it was a warning none the less. We did not seem to care too much for each other that night but things would change over the next 2 years.  It just so happened that I met the woman of my life that night.  I just didn’t like her.  Those feelings changed drastically over time and I eventually asked her to take my name.

About a year later, at the illustrious Video Superstore, Alicia would pop in from time to time with her friends but rarely rent a video and would start conversations with, “can we come in without shoes?”  Years later I would discover that my derrière is what attracted those ladies to the store on those visits.  I would’ve loved to hear the conversations they were having when they whispered around the store. 

 Not long after that, my friend Jim and her cousin Jennifer were putting the wheels in motion to introduce us formally.  I was a bit older than her but we agreed to meet for a movie at her house.  Movies were currency to teenagers in those days and I was a rich man.  That first date was a showing of “The Crow”.  I’m still ridiculed by my father in law for bringing too many horror movies over during our teen years.  I honestly don’t even remember much about The Crow except Brandon Lee was accidentally killed during the making of the film in a shootout scene.  

One thing I do remember about that night was meeting my sister in law, Ashley.  She was quite the nosy host and would not leave us alone to watch our movie.  I distinctly recall Alicia telling her over and over that we really weren’t watching a movie, in hopes of getting her to go to her room.  That didn’t work.  As annoying as that seemed at the time, she became a tremendous ally to me down the road and is now the best sister in law you could have.  More on that “ally” talk in a minute. 

 The next three years was filled with good times as we grew up together.  We played tennis, watched every popular movie that came out, went fishing, rode four wheelers, swam in cattle troughs, bowled, played putt putt and rode dirt roads side by side almost 24/7.  I remember calling her everyday from the pay phone in the lunch room at school.  It was the only thing that got me through the morning in those days.  On the few occasions that the line was busy or no one answered, I was a wreck.  I would call her at night when I got home from her house and she would try to time answering the phone with such quickness that her parents wouldn’t hear it.  We would call each other in the morning before school, angering our parents.  I would even go to Mitchell-Baker from my house using the most ridiculous route possible hoping to pass her in the morning.

We had our down times too of course.  I broke up with her on a Friday afternoon as I pulled into Panama City with a friend of mine.  That was not a good beach trip.  She fell head over heels for some chump in Wal Mart while I was on my senior cruise.  Don’t dispute Alicia.  I spent so much money on that cruise making long distance calls that I had to borrow $20 from a chaperone to eat on the way home and I still run into him today and he asks for his $20 back.  During one of those break ups, Alicia exchanged letters with a young lad or friend, I can’t remember.  What I do remember is when we got back together, Ashley called me into her room, shut the door and pulled the letter out to show me.  She had stolen it from Alicia and was making sure I knew what a floozy Alicia was while we were apart.  Always looking out.  We eventually really broke up during her senior year and I thought that was the end of it.  I assumed that this high school love was a part of growing up and we were both grown by then so we were heading our seperate ways. 

 The following 3 years was up and down and we never completely lost touch with each other.  We may not have talked directly to each other for a while but I talked with her mom regularly and she was still good friends with my aunt.  Over time, I began to realize that there weren’t many, if any, women out there compatible to me like she was.  We both dated different people during that time but nothing was clicking for me.  I remember running into her while she was in school at Valdosta one night.  I imagined that night playing out with us getting back together and getting back on track but it ended with her dropping me off at Munt’s apartment and me snuggling up to Nut on the couch for some late night Sportscenter.  Not a bad second option but not my highest hopes.  

After Jim and I moved to Albany, I felt like I was turning the page and was settling into a nice job.  One night after a softball game, I got several calls saying that Alicia was looking for me and wanted to talk with me.  She was working in Albany then and was going to Darton.  I remember her coming over and just wanting to talk because her lengthy relationship had recently ended and apparantly she had not gotten ole J-Dub completely out of her system.  That’s the way I will imagine it and there’s nothing that can change it.  We talked that night rather openly and agreed to try to stay in touch and spend some time together.  I didn’t really know how to respond that night but I remember being really excited in my heart.  I had a very difficult time letting go of her and just when I thought I had done it, she was back, albiet as just an old girlfriend at the time.   

 We did spend more time together and it didn’t take long for the love feelings to resurface.  We sort of just found ourselves back together without really meaning to I think.  I did realize it was happening and I didnt want her to get away again.  After a short time back together and becoming exclusive again, I knew what I had to do.  I regret not being more romantic or spontaneous that night.  I tend to think of myself as a cheesy romantic these days and have always surprised Alicia with trips and gifts or just small tokens of love.  Not that night though.  At my apartment after she got off work, I sat her down on the bed and said, “we should get married.”  That was it.  I had a ring and I said we should get married.  No hiding the ring, no big presentation.  I was a dud that night and that is one regret I’ll always have.  I just didn’t want to risk blowing it I guess.

A short time and a lot of planning later, we were walking down the aisle at Hopeful Baptist Church making it official.  I was marrying the girl of my dreams.  It was a solid 8 years and a couple of breakups later but we were tying the knot.  A lot has changed since that day.  We have both grown older.  We have welcomed Bailey and Georgia into our family.  We have established ourselves at our jobs.  We have less money and more bills.  We have gone to awesome concerts, beautiful beaches, cozy mountains, relaxing cruises and spent countless days and nights traveling the countryside together.   

 As we’ve gotten older and responsibilities have grown, the one on one time has dwindled and is rare.  We enjoy it that much more when we do have it.  It’s just not often.  Our days are spent taking kids to school, working, taking kids to lessons or games, planning holidays and birthday parties, paying bills, folding clothes, cleaning house, cooking and doing dishes.  Just normal adult stuff.  But it creeps up on you one day when you realize that you have created distance between you and your soulmate by just trying to survive every day.  Tomorrow, April 21, will mark 15 years of laying my head down every night next to my true love.  Regardless of the things life has thrown at us, or the days we feel like we see each other for 15 minutes, we spend 8 hours laying next to each other every night and I know she’ll be there for me and I’ll be there for her.  That’s marriage.  That’s life.  It’s not always romance, getaways or fancy dinners.  Sometimes it’s pizza rolls and Kraft Mac n Cheese while the kids destroy the house and the dog tries to torture the cat.  Sometimes it’s crashing into a heap for a 3 hour nap on our only day without the kids.  But we are together and I know in my heart we will be until our days on this earth are over.  That’s what my relationship with Alicia Shiver is.  I love that woman, even though I didn’t like her when we met.  I guess the foreshadowing of that night, why I think maybe it was somewhat indicative of our future, is the fact that our first meeting consisted of me swearing I was right and her swearing she was right.  The problem is that is the last time I won the argument. 

 I love you Alicia and Happy 15 (23) years!

Joey

6 thoughts on “It’s 23 years, Not 15”

  1. Oh my goodness!!!! Sweaty eyeballs myself!!!!! I cannot verbally express my feelings like you do but WOW!, what a story we have and I am truly honored to be your wife. Life has thrown us many curveballs but we have been brave enough to face, and triumph, each one. You are my soulmate and I honestly can’t wait to grow old (older ?) with you. Love you always.

  2. This made me cry and laugh, it was a truly wonderful piece to read, inspires hope, thanks for sharing. Congratulations to you both!

  3. Love like yours only comes around once in a blue moon and it is an awesome thing when it happens. I remember you breaking up with more that one girl only to say “she is not like Alicia”. I am so glad y’all finally realized that you were made for each other! Beautiful article…

  4. That’s what it’s all about…. It’s certainly not like what you see in the movies. But to have that someone that you go through the drudgery of life with – someone who shares your dreams and loves you like nobody’s business, who has that inside joke with you – that person that you always look for so you can tell them first all the great things or the crappy things that happen to you and they will just “get it”. Now that’s a real relationship. You two have certainly been blessed.

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