Love Anyway

 There aren’t enough words to heal a broken heart.  There is no magic pill that clears it up, no surgery that can help it mend.  No intense workout can build it back up to health.  No, it doesn’t work that way.  Time, faith and resolve are the only antidotes that are proven to help.  Even with that, the heart may never fully recover.  There may always be at least a tiny piece that is damaged beyond repair.  That doesn’t mean you can’t live with it, it’s just a little harder.  And that’s ok.  Because we all experience it but in our own varying degrees.

A broken heart can manifest in many different ways.  The most common is losing someone you love.  You can lose them emotionally, mentally and/or physically.  A breakup, a divorce, a walkout, a lie, infidelity, broken trust and selfishness can all lead to that loss.  The common factor is that it is always someone we love, trust, have faith in, look up to, depend on.  The one thing we are allowed to be selfish with is our heart.  Because we are the ones left in the wake of the destruction.  We live in the aftermath.  We sift through the rubble trying to put the pieces back together.  But it’s like putting together a swing set and missing a bolt or two.  It’s challenging but it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t put our heads down and push forward.  Surely, we can figure out a way to make it work.

The brain is affected by heartbreak.  You think you’re not good enough.  You think you should’ve done something different.  You think you should’ve enjoyed the last moments more.  You think maybe things will be different one day.  All of these thoughts are driven by a heart that is not functioning at full strength. A healthy heart doesn’t create thoughts of pain, regret, second guessing.  All of these are side effects of the broken heart.  Just like being overweight can make you fatigued, self conscious, and susceptible to health problems – Heartbreak can lead to depression, anxiety and questions of self worth.

Here’s the thing about heartbreak though.  It forces you, right or wrong, to look in the mirror.  You are naturally led to look inside yourself to examine your contents.  That’s difficult too because we are always harder on ourselves than anyone else.  But if we’re honest, really self reflective, we’ll see that in many cases, it’s not our fault.  The broken heart is not of our own making.

In fact, many times, it has little to do with us and a lot to do with others.  That’s who this is for.  The innocent bystanders who took a bullet from a violent, out of control gunman who has made a name for themselves taking people out.  Some people just don’t know how to love others.  They know how to love themselves but that’s pretty easy.  Real, true, unconditional love is work and the weak suck at it.  But they don’t know they suck.  They see how much they love themselves and think that it must correlate to others loving them or their ability to love in general.  It’s a vicious cycle of narcissism.

A major clue is a lack of remorse.  I’m not just talking normal sorries either.  This lack of remorse is extremely detrimental.  When plans get cancelled, when you have to continuously initiate contact, when the relationship revolves around them and no acknowledgment is ever made, that is what I’m talking about.  When people love you, they are supposed to feel remorse when things get in the way of being with you or even reaching out.  When that is missing, you have iron clad proof that it isn’t you.  Add in empty promises and guilt triggering and you’ve got the narcissistic trifecta.

Seriously, love is hard.  It takes sacrifice.  It is give and take.  It’s not always about you but it should be sometimes.  It is stressful when you want the best for someone and it doesn’t always work out.  It’s painful to see others unhappy.  These are pitfalls of love.  Things don’t always go as planned and when you really care for someone it hurts to see them dissapoined.  No one likes to hurt but when you share love with someone, it is a natural part of life.  That’s what I mean when I say the weak suck at it.  The weak are those who would rather avoid all of those pitfalls because it’s hard or because it doesn’t fit into their plans.  

But what of us with the broken heart?  If it’s not our fault, are we supposed to feel any better, any less hurt?  That depends on our resolve.  You see, when there are people who don’t know how to love us, there are inevitably people who do that are ready to step up.  Resolve is having the commitment to surround ourselves with those people.  Having the courage to move on with those makeshift bolts.  What we will find is that one or two more pieces will come along and fill the void if we will just continue to open up our hearts and work at love.  A broken heart can either bleed out and leave you lifeless or you can bandage it, stop the bleeding and let it scar over.  

It just takes time, faith in others and a stubbornness to survive the heartbreak.  It hurts, but the chances of survival are excellent.  Just keep loving and living.

Joey